kristin has been a bad kristin
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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