You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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