Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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