Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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