So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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