i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
