god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
organizing the empties. That sober.
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That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
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I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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