i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
