i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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