hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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