Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
