Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My pussy is not your playground.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
