but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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