This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
