I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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