So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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