I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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