SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
