just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
