I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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