I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You work out of a Hotel?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
