dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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