I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
