We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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