I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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