I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
