What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
