I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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