kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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