all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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