ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
you never un-have a 4some
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
