it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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