i was rollin on her like bob the builder
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
