I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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