I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
