my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
