I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
