I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
