First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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