Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
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You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
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So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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