Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize