I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
