I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize