ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
