Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
