Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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