he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
