K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
