Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
