I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Randomize
