even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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