so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
