so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
