You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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