Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
