The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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