So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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