My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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