I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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