My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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