i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
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Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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