why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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