yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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